Jon Scieszka - Time Warp Trio 01 by Knights of the Kitchen Table

Author:Knights of the Kitchen Table
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 2012-06-25T22:31:52+00:00

SIX

Now, you’ve probably read about giants in fairy tales. And you’ve probably seen giants m comic books and cartoons. But you haven’t really experienced giants until you’ve met one up close. And once you’ve done that, believe me, you would be perfectly happy to never, ever meet another one.

I knew giants were big.

I had no idea they were so disgusting.

We stood on one side of the castle moat with King Arthur, Merlin, and the Knights of the Round Table. Bleob stood on the other. He was a terrifying sight. And an even more terrifying smell.

He towered at least twenty feet, wore no clothes except two bloody ox hides tied around his waist, and hid the largest and ugliest face I ever seen behind a crazy mess of black hair. Rotted bits of meat and bone, tree branches, giant drool, and cow manure drew a cloud of flies around his beard. If the sight of Bleob wasn’t enough to make you cry, the smell of him definitely was.

For the first time in my life, I was speechless, and a bit dizzy.

“Make haste with the magic,” said Merlin. “The foul air doth dull the senses.”

Sam nudged me and handed me a little stick be had split halfway down the middle. He and Fred had already clamped their noses with Sam’s homemade clothespins. I quickly did the same.

“Heddo, Misduh Giant,” I said, talking through my plugged nose. “How can we hep you?”

And do you know what he answered? Of course you don’t, because you weren’t there. Well, I’ll tell you the truth. He belched. A long, loud, wet, noisy, and totally disgusting burp.

Sir Percival and the three knights closest to him raised their shields. They were too late, and took the full force of that awful blast. All four fainted dead away.

“Give Bleob three fair damsels to eat now, or Bleob smash castle,” said you-know-who.

And I almost hate to tell you what he did next. Let’s just say that when he snorted, he knocked down two more knights with one blow. And he didn’t use a Kleenex.

Merlin gave us the hurry-up eye. I figured there was no way to stop this monster and was just about to yell, “Every man for himself!” and run, when Sam stepped forward.

“Now just a minute, Mr. Bleob,” said Sam, adjusting his glasses. “You can’t go around treating Knights of the Round Table like that.” He pointed to the pile of knights covered with green giant slime. “We are three very powerful magicians who could wipe the floor with you if we wanted. But we’re in a good mood today. So we’ve decided to give you a chance to have your wish come true. Right, fellow magicians?”

Fred and I looked at Sam, each other, and back at Sam again. We didn’t have the faintest idea what he was talking about.

Bleob looked just as confused as we were.

“Right,” we said.

“Since you fairy-tale giants are always asking people riddles, we’ve decided to give you a chance to save your miserable skin by answering our riddle.

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